James Potter and the Eye of Phorcides
by BrutieBoots
Summary: James' 7th yeah has started with disaster: the girl he's loved since 1st year is about to be caught in Louis Weasley's web. James is going to need his friends and every bit of maniacal scheming he has to keep them apart. Meanwhile, there's been growing unrest with calls for Death Eater executions and vigilance in the face of a new threat - but is there really strength in unity?
1. 01: STRENGTH IN UNITY

_Author's Note:_ Honestly, not sure if I'm happy with this. But I really couldn't figure out how to start the story. Oh well. It should pick up next chapter. This is set during James Sirius Potter's 7th year at Hogwarts, the next school year after the events of The Cursed Child. As such, there will be spoilers for Cursed Child here. So please be wary! I've rated it M for language and sexual themes, not that it's going to get raunchy or anything. Just being careful! Thanks to EmodinosaurX3 for all your amazing characters! I'm very excited to introduce them all.

* * *

 _ **Chapter One**_

 **STRENGTH IN UNITY**

 _We can no longer judge our fellow wizards by archaic rankings of 'purity'. By our mere use of magic, we have aligned ourselves regardless of birth or circumstance. We must throw off the ideals pushed by those who would divide us with their agendas of war and destruction – destruction of ourselves and all that we know…_

 _In the last century, we have seen wars that threatened to obliterate our culture from within…_

 _And now we find a survivor of these out-dated ideas – Delphini Riddle? Delphini Lestrange? She who now resides in Azkaban, but these prisons are no longer sufficient…_

 _We saw the number of escapees. We saw the Dementors' revolt. We, the public, watched and fretted and trusted our Ministry to right its missteps with each Death Eater screaming from its mugshot on_ _freshly printed_ WANTED _posters. We cried for diligence. We begged for increased measures. We pleaded for reassurance. And again, the Ministry has not heard us…_

 _Did you notice Delphini did not protest once in her trial? Her calm and collected demeanour sent a shiver down my very spine. I wondered why she was so composed, unfaltering when charged with her crimes – until I recognised the look on her face. The look we see on a parent's face when a toddler throws a tantrums. The look a professor tries to mask when a delinquent hands in an assignment on time. The look I have when my elderly mother insists she will never see another nurse again._

 _The look that says: this won't last forever…_

 _We must call for harsher punishment. Without it, she will return and we will find ourselves torn up in war again…_

 _We have stared into the abyss and scrambled back time and time again. Now we must stand together on the cliff edge, spit into the face of division and stand united…_

 _Until another day, dear readers: Stay wary. Stay alert. Stay vigil._

 _ **THERE IS STRENGTH IN UNITY. WEAKNESS IN APATHY. FREEDOM THROUGH STRIFE – AND NOW WE FACE OUR STRIFE.**_

Ginny Weasley snorted, nostrils vibrating as air rushed out and she threw the paper to the ground. She wanted it made perfectly clear that this was outrageous, damn near disgusting. She folded her arms over her chest, glaring down at the fine print before whipping around to her audience.

"Can you believe this?" She exclaimed, face reddening. "Cuffe must be bloody barmy if he thinks _this_ is appropriate!"

"It's the Daily Prophet, people know what it's like." Harry returned with a half smile.

Ginny's brow furrowed as she stared down her husband. He had definitely put his foot in it there. "And what does that mean?"

"Not-I-obviously the Prophet is a great newspaper, it's the only newspaper anyone reads that has any clout," Harry never was any good at backtracking. "I just mean everyone knows what _Barnabas Cuffe_ is like. He will print _anything_ to get sales and this crap is just another gimmick. Remember _Seer Speaks_?"

Ginny rolled her eyes again and her arms unfurled. "That column was complete nonsense – a bloody intern wrote it and fancied himself a distant relative of Trelawney. Seer, my arse. Barely lasted a week before readers started to complain."

"And this will be the same. It'll blow over in a couple of weeks when people get tired of reading it," Harry soothed, climbing out of his chair and slinking towards her.

"Harry, they've been going for over a month now and that can only mean readership is up,"

"They have _slogans_ ," he teased, sliding a hand over Ginny's back. He rubbed his thumb against the edge of her spine, knobbly fingers kneading out the knots. "No one is stupid enough to actually listen to slogans."

Her shoulders slouched, a sigh of relief rippling through her body. Tension oozed out with her breath. A smirk tugged at the edge of her rosy lips, spreading into faded laugh lines. "I think we've met our fair share of people stupid enough."

"Feeling better?" Harry beamed, her infectious smile spreading to him. "Was I just an incredibly supportive husband?"

"Yes you were," she shifted and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "Makes a nice change, gets a bit tiring being the voice of reason all the time."

"See, growth," he puffed out his chest and set his jaw. "This is me, new and improved. Growing as a person."

The two returned to the sofa, settling in and letting the plush cushions consume them. Ginny burrowed her head in Harry's shoulder, her brilliant red hair cascading over his chest and pooling in his lap. He tucked a stray away and tangled his hand in her locks, massaging her head gently with his thumb. This was his favourite place to be and he wanted to remember every moment of it; absorb every trace of Ginny. This summer, all too often, he found himself looking at his family, memorising every aspect of his children, every pitch of his wife's voice, every ring of laughter echoing throughout the house, every tear shed. He'd come too close to losing this too many times.

"I just worry," Ginny broke the silence with a murmur. She cupped Harry's hand with her own, a gesture seemingly meant to comfort. Harry knew better - it was to soften the blow to come. "Every time that girl is mentioned, I worry about what happened. How close we came to – how close you and Al came to -"

A shudder reverberated through her body and drowned out her words.

"I won't let that happen ever again." His voice was firm. He meant it.

"I know, I know, and you have been really working on things with Al. He knows it too," she squeezed his hand. He could feel her cheeks pinching into a smile. "And he loves you for it. This family just can't handle any more chaos, and the fear mongering bastard who writes that nonsense is just what I mean..."

"DON'T you know eavesdropping can make you go deaf?" James jumped back from the bannister with a start, limbs flailing as he scrambled to retract the Extendable Ear. The cord got tangled around the railing, leaving the fleshy string dangling – damnable evidence of his snooping. His mind whirred as he glanced over his shoulder, excuses formulating at a whopping speed.

 _I heard shouting. I was worried. After that whole Delphini thing…_

 _I was sleepwalking. Sleep… misbehaving?_

 _I swear Lily, if you tell Mum and Dad, I will hex your tongue to tie itself into knots every time you speak to Christian Thomas because you fancy the bloody pants off him. Goodbye social life._

But the hallway was empty. No redheaded brat in sight. Was it Al? That idiot knew better than to cross his path. Last time he snitched on him, Al woke up with enchanted teeth in his bed chewing on his scrawny legs whilst James cackled maniacally down the hall. Never cross a man with a backlog of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Thanks, Uncle Ron and Uncle George. Sibling torment has never been so easy.

James narrowed his eyes, willing night vision upon himself. He reached into the pocket of his dressing gown, slowly withdrawing the wand resting against his hip.

"Slow down there, Jimbo," the voice laughed, dropping its feminine lilt as the shadows shifted.

James rolled his eyes and set about untangling the Extendable Ear. Only one person ever called him Jimbo – a childhood nickname he could never shake completely. "I never interrupted _you_ when you were listening in on Victoire and her friends."

"I was fourteen and I fancied her, free pass." Teddy chuckled as his hair morphed back from black to turquoise and his face slowly became recognisable.

"I know you did it well beyond fourteen," James smirked. "What guy wouldn't listen in on a girl whilst she-"

"That's your cousin you're talking about. Bit weird."

He threw his hands up defensively. "You started it, Tedders. You made it weird."

Teddy sauntered up to James as he finished clearing the evidence of his mischief, leaning against the bannister and narrowing his eyes at the eldest Potter child. James ignored him. Damn bastard had interrupted just as things got juicy – sibling gossip is always valuable information.

"Hear anything interesting down there?" Teddy jerked his head towards the living room at the bottom of the stairs, eyebrows arched.

"Depends, you with the feds? Is this a shake down?"

"I may be old now, dear Jimbo, but I will never abandon the life of crime and mild mischief."

James eyed him suspiciously, raising his square jaw dramatically as if to judge Teddy's integrity. "I don't know, that cousin of mine is an awfully good influence. Women, eh?"

"Fuck off," Teddy laughed, shaking his head and softening his face with a broad smile. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"The Daily Prophet is publishing complete toss, blah blah blah," James mimicked his mother with surprising accuracy, even popping his hip and resting a hand on it with a feminine flair. "I hate everything that happened last year, but Harry, you're still the _best_."

"Better hope Ginny doesn't catch you doing that, or you'll spend Christmas with Uncle Charlie in the sticks,"

"I would never do that to James, because he's my favourite. He's everyone's favourite. Hooray for James." James continued a small cheer in his mother's voice, pumping his fists in the air and chanting 'hooga' in a hushed shout.

Teddy groaned and pushed himself off the bannister. "I get the feeling you're using humour as a defence mechanism. If you are worried about your folks after everything that happened, you can talk -"

"Slow down there, mate," James settled down and clapped his friend on the shoulder. "I don't need to talk about shit. I'm not worried about shit. I'm after valuable blackmail material, that's all."

Teddy's arched an eyebrow. James was an avid – and annoyingly convincing – liar. "That's all?"

"I'm a simple man with simple evil needs," James shrugged. "Plus I wanted to feel out if Dad would let me have the invisibility cloak back. Fucking confiscated it after shithead stole it last year to go on his time travelling adventure, the prick."

"Look me in the eye-"

"What?"

"Jimbo, look me in the eye and tell me nothing is going on."

James leant down to Teddy's eye level, widening his deep brown eyes to the size of dinner plates and staring intensely. He extended his syllables as he replied.

"I swear that I, James Potter, have no levels or depth of emotion. I am a shallow and superficial fuck. A very handsome and devilishly rogue shallow and superficial-"

"If you say so."

Teddy sighed and gave up, leaning away. This wasn't going anywhere. James continued to stare until Teddy shoved him away with a frown. James chuckled and clapped an arm around his shoulders.

"I swear there is nothing to worry that pretty head about,"

"Then you should probably go to bed," Teddy grinned, peeling away from James' arm. "Or I'll tell your parents you've been up past your bedtime."

"No fair," he whined. "Don't pull rank on me."

This was a grave betrayal. How could Teddy do this? You graduate school, you get a fiancé, you get a "real job" and suddenly you get to tell every sodding person younger than you what to do. This was fascism at its finest.

"Oh no, only seventeen-year-olds with deep rooted emotional issues and a need for a long, supportive chat about the emerging issues in their family get to stay up late. You're completely fine and emotionally stable. You go to bed like a good boy."

James groaned and pouted melodramatically, eyes set in a glare as he started to slink away. "You're drunk with power."

"And give me the Extendable Ear." Teddy reached out his hand, unable to hide his smirk. "You can't be trusted with it."

"Well played, Teddy. Well played."

"Goodnight, Jimbo," he added to rub salt into the wound. "Let me know if you need your mummy to come tuck you in."

James stuck his hand out behind him, middle finger waving wildly behind his head. He could hear Teddy's throaty chuckle of victory echo down the hall. Dickhead. He trudged passed Lily's room, her door plastered in shifting photographs from the over years, memories in constant motion. One picture seemed to watch him every time he passed – a photo of Lily and their mother with their eyes shifting from side to side as they pulled silly faces to the camera – faces a human shouldn't be able to contort into. Lily's cheeks puffed out, her nose upturned with a finger and her tongue rubbing the edge of her nostrils. Ginny's ears pressed out like goblet arms, her tongue lolling out to her chin and the rest of her features scrunched up together.

 _Lily was always closest to Mum._ He nodded in agreement with his thoughts. They both watched him like hawks, both in portraiture and real life.

Once James was out of the photograph's eye and passed the guest bathroom that always smelt suspiciously like lavender, he stopped at the door into Albus' room - cracked open ever so slightly. A splinter of light leaked out into the hallway, breaking up the darkness in a single white streak. James froze and tiptoed to the door, fumbling a hand into his pocket.

 _Shit. He took the Ear. Curse you Teddy, I will have my revenge._

James silently shook a fist at the darkness behind him before pressing closer to the door with the grace of a ballerina-turned-ninja. He crouched, begging his long legs not to crack as he brought his ear to the edge of the light. He could hear shuffling on the other side of the door, heavy feet padding across the carpet. Maybe even pacing.

"I just want a quiet year, I just want a quiet year." Albus' voice was repeating inside, occasionally breaking with the comedic timing only puberty could have.

James stifled a laugh. Puberty really was a bitch. He made a mental note to tease Albus about it another time.

"I just want a quiet year," Albus finished the chant to whatever gods he was praying for mercy from. The springs creaked as he sunk into his bed with a breathy sigh. "I just don't want to let anyone down. I just want to be happy."

James rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet for a few seconds. He pressed his lips together, stroking a hand over his square jaw as he drew his eyebrows together. James had a choice to make here: be a supportive older brother and provide some words of wisdom, or be an absolute dick and scare the living daylights out of Al.

The answer was clear.

"Don't worry Al," James burst in, kicking the door with the enthusiasm of an Auror making their first bust. "Everyone's just relieved to find out your balls finally dropped – we were really getting worried there. Were we going to need a ball charm to coax those fuckers out? The family was in tatters over it!"

Albus stared wide-eyed, chest rising and falling rapidly with his heartbeat practically visible as it thumped against his ribs. His rigid body tensed further as he glared and threw a pillow at the door. "Fuck off, James!"

The pillow landed a few feet short and James snorted. "Damn, you still throw like you're prepubescent. That won't impress the girls at all,"

Albus scrambled to his feet. "GO AWAY!"

"No judgement!" James threw his hands up defensively, his massive grin not fading in the face of Albus' newfound rage. "If Scorpius is more your type, I don't think he'll mind since he can't throw for shit. Just maybe wait a bit before bumming in the Room of Requirement – I don't think Mum could handle the shock."

"I swear I hate you," Albus snarled as he shoved his brother out of his room, with James flailing and mockingly begging for help.

"Unhand me! You'll hurt me! I'm dainty!"

"You're a terrible person!"

James grinned, stopping the bedroom door with his foot as Albus tried to slam it.

"A terrible person who just made you feel better, Allykins."

"I hope the Express does everyone a favour and leaves you on the platform tomorrow!"

"Oh no! But you'd miss me too much!"

With that, the door finally slammed and James merrily skipped back to his room, grinning from ear-to-ear. This was going to be a fun year.


	2. 02: TALL, DARK AND BROODING

_Author's Note:_ Arrgghh, so hard to get into the rhythm of writing. But oh well. Thanks to EmodinsaurX3, again, as Conner and Luke are her characters. :)

* * *

 _Chapter Two_

TALL, DARK AND BROODING

This year was an unmitigated disaster, a travesty of epic proportions and it was only the first day. James would not stand idly by and let this happen. Not so long as he had breath to throw tantrums and curse like a bloody loon.

Throwing the weighty doors aside, he stormed back into the Great Hall, brow furrowed and arms wound tightly around his chest. The Gryffindor table watched him with wide eyes and their lips sewn shut. You could almost hear the first and second years shaking in their robes. His foul moods were rare, but infamously explosive. A rain cloud started to form above his head in the otherwise clear, twinkling night sky that decorated the Great Hall.

James had only stalked out moments before, bursting into the hall to give the laughing gargoyle statue a good kicking. This was accompanied by a few choice words even _he_ wouldn't scream and shout in front of the whole school. McGonagall had clearly gone completely barmy – old age was getting to her. It happens to the best witches and wizards. James eyed the headmistress as she spoke animatedly with the head of Gryffindor, waving her goblet about and nodding furiously.

 _Nope. She hasn't gone mad – yet._

As he passed the third and fourth years – paying particular effort to ignore Lily rolling her eyes and mocking him - he turned his attention to his newly sworn enemy. Thunder cracked overheard, making a few kids jump in their seats. The raincloud darkened. The bastard sat at the far end of the Ravenclaw table, his robes meticulously pressed and his hands laced together under his chin. His rosy lips moved rhythmically as he regaled his friends with his latest tale, and James already wanted to punch him in the teeth – no magic required. Despite speaking to the two boys nearest to him, every girl within a ten foot radius was leaning closer to hear his velvety voice. The swooning was palpable and only worsened James' fury. Girls – and most guys – flocked to him like flies over honey. They all needed a good swatting and James was happy to provide it.

The longer James watched the Ravenclaws, the more his frown spread and his knuckles kneaded against his armpits. Rain started to dribble down his shoulders just as he reached the end of the Gryffindor table. He slumped onto the wooden bench with his trio of mates, all giving him the side-eye with arched eyebrows.

"Christ James, you're making my potatoes soggy," the girl across from him complained, batting away the spreading raincloud. James willed the rain to pour harder.

The boy beside her shifted. "Lottie," He extended the syllables of her name, shaking his head in James' direction and sending his coal black hair flicking in every direction. "He's upset, I'm not sure potatoes are the priority here."

Lottie gasped dramatically, hands clasping over her mouth. "You take that back right now."

"C'mon Luke, you know not to get between a girl and her food," the tall, blonde boy - next to James chimed in, a grin creeping across his face. "Unless you fancy a little biting."

He leant across and snatched a roll from Lottie's plate with the speed you'd expect from Gryffindor's star Chaser. If he wasn't in the middle of an utter and complete catastrophe, James would've been mildly impressed. He knew Conner McLaggen was a good choice for the team, despite all the choice words Aunt Hermione had to say about his father.

"I will eat everything you love," Lottie seethed, wrapping an arm around her plate and hissing.

Conner's grin just expanded, his dark eyes sparkling. "Well, you already know which part of me I love the most so by all means –"

"Conner, please!" Luke burst before launching out his arms as a roll bounced off Conner's chest and Lottie reached for another missile. The duo continued to bicker as Luke tried to end the rapidly escalating food war. James just stared, his raincloud growing. His friends were not taking this seriously. The bloody lunatics were fighting over bleeding potatoes.

A jet of lightning splintered through the air, toasting the bun Conner had just managed to catch and singing a bowl of beans. A freeze frame overtook the trio as they glanced from the burned dish to James.

"Well, James," Luke cleared his throat, sheepishly retreating to his seat. "I'm sorry, I got preoccupied playing parents for these two children – are you alright?"

Conner barked out a laugh and clapped James on the shoulder. "He's fine, just got his knickers in a bunch."

James glared and bared his teeth. He then groaned and slammed his head onto the table, making the cutlery bounce and clatter. His friends exchanged glances. James Potter was many things but silent was never one of them. By now, he'd be throwing his arms in the air and raving away about the great injustice done to him. He might even plan his revenge and inevitably drag the three of them into his maniacal scheme; even the ever-reluctant Luke couldn't resist the spark of mayhem.

But this was unfamiliar territory.

"Listen Tall, Dark and Brooding…" Lottie broke the silence, her words tiptoeing towards James' crumpled body. "We know it's disappointing you didn't make Head Boy – hell, if there was a vote, you'd be my choice over that tosser any day."

" _That tosser_ is still his cousin," Luke interjected quickly before a small smile found its way onto his face. "But I have to agree."

"He's not my cousin anymore. I will destroy him," James mumbled into the tabletop before lifting his head. "And this isn't about being Head Boy."

"Good! Because that prat's a bloody brown noser anyway," Conner added for good measure.

"Then what is it about?"  
"Whatever it is, we're here to listen," Lottie added calmly. "Even Conner, if you need help in the form of dirty comments and egotistical monologues."

"Piss off, you adore me,"

"I'm still mentally burying your body for touching my food."

James straightened himself up and eyed his friends. They were right – they'd be there for him regardless of what was going on. The sheer volume of letters he received over the summer checking on him was almost smothering. The countless offers to meet up, come visit or even kidnap him to help him deal with the aftermath of his family's implosion last year. They were bloody idiots, but they were his idiots.

"Well, this is an absolute bloody disaster beyond anything the world has ever known!" James exclaimed, throwing his hands in the arm as his voice boomed louder. His friends let out a sigh of relief. He was back to his old self, ridiculous as ever. "Louis Weasley as Head Boy? This is so much worse than just McGonagall going a little loopy and thinking anyone could be better than all of _this_ ,"

James gestured up and down his body, holding his chin up high. He wiggled his eyebrows. "This has to do with my future, my reason for being, all of my hopes and dreams. This has to do with-"

"-Nellie Longbottom," Lottie finished for him with a smirk. "Should've known."

The insult washed over James and he continued undeterred. "Yes! Thank you! You all should have known, you're the worst friends. I'm putting you all on friend probation."

"What about Nellie?"

"Oh dear naïve Luke," James tutted and waved a finger at him. "She's Head Girl. Louis is Head Boy. They will be spending a lot of time together and you have all seen how girls get around Louis."

Conner snorted, the green-eyed monster creeping over him. "It's like he's made of bloody chocolate, he's completely up himself."

"Exactly! And why wouldn't he want Nellie? She's beautiful, she's smart, she could practically teach Care of Magical Creatures by herself, she's so innocent, she does that really cute thing where she snorts when she laughs–"

"If she's so smart, don't you think she'll see through Louis?" Luke piped up. The others just looked at him, deadpan.

"There's just something about him that turns your insides to jelly and your brain to mush," Lottie shrugged, pushing her peas around with her fork.

"Speaking from experience?" Conner teased.

"Oh piss off, I'm hardly a girl. I don't count in the general girl populous."

The light bulb set James' entire brain alight as his mouth dropped open. It was so obvious. The answer was right in front of him, all five foot six of it. _She_ _doesn't count in the general girl populous._

"That's it! Lottie, you bloody genius!" James clapped his hands and rubbed them together menacingly. "Conner, you're a man of horny character: tell us, why do girls like Nellie drive guys like Louis crazy?"

"They're a challenge, obviously and the effort makes the pay off even better _._ "

"And what would it take to make you stop pursuing a girl like that?"

Conner drew his blonde brows together as he considered James' question, trying to piece together the puzzle. As it slowly dawned, his chestnut eyes lightened and his lips folded into a half-smirk. "A harder challenge, someone no one has even come close to..."

James clucked his tongue. "Correct. Now it's no secret Nellie had her fair of crushes and that little _thing_ with Roland Walker in fifth year when I was otherwise preoccupied."

Luke frowned. "You mean when you were to busy snogging Bernice Harris and Evelyn Redshaw to notice."

James waved off the comment. He knew his love was pure, _now._ "I was a pubescent fool! I had needs. But who could pose an even greater challenge to Louis? Who did the girls always interrogate whenever she spoke was partnered up with a new boy in History of Magic? Who has never even let out the tiniest squeak of a crush over the last seven years? Whose father is quite possibly the most intense Quidditch player on the planet and could easily beat you to death with a Quaffle? If that's not a challenge, I don't know what is."

Luke and Conner whipped around to face Lottie in unison, all three boys beaming at her with knowing smiles.

"Me? Really?" She struggled to keep a straight face. This was ludicrous. "Why on earth would I be a good choice here?"

"You're a cracking Beater," James stated.

"You work hard and are even top of Divination and History of Magic," Luke added supportively.

"And you grew a great set of tits over the summer, puberty really did you a favour there."

"Conner," James hissed before whispering loudly. "True, but not helping."

"Well, not that that's not hugely convincing, but why would I even _want_ to do this? What even _is_ this?"

James sighed. It was so obvious, how was she not getting it? The guys did. "This is a great plan; you just need to get his attention and the rest will come. You'll be seeing him loads as a prefect. You won't get all gooey over him and can keep him chasing you. You'll be something different to what he expects."

"Just don't shut down the possibility of a date too harshly, or he will just lose interest," Conner warned as the other boys nodded in agreement.

"Still not understanding _why_ I would want to do this,"

"Lottie, you _know_ what Louis does to girls," James cooed, running a hand through the top of his nutmeh hair, exasperated. "Remember Rosie Brooks?"

"And Mari Chen," Conner added.

"Emma Londs," Luke chimed in.

"Christie Cedar,"

"Beth Durmonay,

"Let's not forget Celia Tanase, she had to repeat her O.W.L.s after she spent the night before her exams crying in the Hufflepuff common room and eating pumpkin pasties until she threw up in a plant pot."

James interrupted the listing. "I know it's a lot to ask Lottie, but I really care about Nellie. He will hurt her and then I have no hope of even getting her to hang out with me before we leave school. How many times has she helped you with classwork or around the dorms? I can't count how many times I have seen her giving up time for other people. Does she really deserve to be treated the way you _know_ he will treat her?"

Lottie knitted her features together, hazel eyes narrowing into slits as the cogs in her head churned. The words of her friends echoed and repeated. She absently twirled a straw curl around her finger, tugging it then letting it bounce like a spring. The amount of times she'd walked in on girls either crying or gushing over Louis was damning evidence that her friends might have a point.

She relented. "Okay. Okay, shower me in some more compliments and I'll do it."

"Thank you, I could kiss you!" James beamed. "Oh wonderful, marvellous Charlotte Wood, you are an amazing friend. You are so selfless. You are so kind. You're such an addition to the Quidditch team. Everyone in Gryffindor thinks you're wicked fun-"

"And now that you've grown your hair out among other things," Conner grinned and wolf whistled. "I'd want in your pants if I wasn't committed to this friendship."

"I'm not sure you realise how compliments work," Luke countered, rolling his eyes. Conner stuck out his tongue.

"Okay, let's do something mildly evil for the greater good," Lottie smiled before pointing at all three boys. "But you have to give me advice, all of you. And I will _not_ be letting him anywhere near my knickers for you, Potter. And I reserve the right to quit at any time."

"Deal. We start tomorrow because now, I'm fucking starving."


End file.
